Awakening the Soul
by liciadrinkit
Summary: My first fan fiction taking off from when Bella was in the meadow in New Moon with the Laurent. Bella/Jacob romance. Will be changed to M for later chapters. Hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1 : The FairyTale Meadow

*All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer*

******Hi everyone! This is my first fanfic ever so please give me a chance!! I would appreciate any feedback or advise you may have for me. I love the Twilight saga!! I right away connected to it the first time I read the books. At first I was a huge Edward fan but after reading it more times than I count, I started to drift to really liking Jacob too. Now I am pretty much as Team Switzerland as it gets. lol Now I find that I would have been happy if she would have ended up with Jacob too. I am going to try to be very true to the characters that Stephanie Meyer created because I love them all. I am just going to twist what happened after Bella went to the meadow by herself. I have for months been just reading other people stories and just recently decided to try out writing my own. My story is going to be entirely from Bella's point of view.**

**I will try to be fast about putting up new chapters. I hope you like it and that you decide to take a journey with me to what I wish would have happened. Enjoy!! =) ******

~My story begins in New Moon in the meadow when Laurent is about to attack Bella. The italicized is word for word from New Moon. ~

Chapter 1: The Fairy-Tale Meadow

_I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him. Edward, I love you._

At that moment another face entered my mind, Jacob. Jacob had become my best friend and I thought back to the last thing he had told me before he went home after the movie, _"...I'm always here. I won't ever let you down-I promise that you can always count on me..."_ I believed more than anything that these words were true. Jake would never ever let me down. And now I was about to let him down. I hoped that one day he would be able to forgive me for being so risky with my life, acting as though as I was invincible. I realized even though I was still too scared to admit it, what I felt for Jake was slowly starting to become more than purely friendship. A tear escaped from my eyes, knowing that I would never get a chance to explore those feelings. But then reality came back to me again.

_Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I was afraid to look away from him, to follow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick to overpower me. I was too amazed to feel relief when he started slowing backing away from me._

_"I don't believe it," he said, his voice so low I barely heard it._

_I had to look then. My eyes scanned the meadow, searching for the interruption that had extended my life by a few seconds. At first I saw nothing, and my gaze flickered back to Laurent. He was retreating more quickly now, his eyes boring into the forest._

_Then I saw it; a huge black shape eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward the vampire. It was enormous- as tall as a horse, but thicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line of dagger-like incisors. A grisly snarl rolled out from between the teeth, rumbling across the clearing like a prolonged crack of thunder._

_The bear. Only, it wasn't a bear at all. Still, this gigantic black monster had to be the creature causing all the alarm. From a distance, anyone would assume it was a bear. What else could be so vast, so powerfully built?_

_I wished I were lucky enough to see it from a distance. Instead, it padded silently through the grass a mere ten feet from where I stood._

_"Don't move an inch," Edward's voice whispered._

_I stared at the monstrous creature, my mind boggling as I tried to put a name on it. There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved. I could only think of one possibility, locked in horror as I was. Yet I'd never imagined that a wolf could get so big._

_Another growl rumbled in its throat, and I shuddered away from the sound._

_Laurent was backing toward the edge of the trees, and, under the freezing terror, confusion swept through me. Why was Laurent retreating? Granted, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal? And Laurent was afraid. His eyes were wide with horror, just like mine._

_As if in answer to my question, suddenly the mammoth wolf was not alone. Flanking it on either side, another two gigantic beasts prowled silently into the meadow. One was a deep gray, the other brown, neither one quite as tall as the first. The gray wolf came through the trees only a few feet from me, its eyes locked on Laurent._

_Before I could even react, two move wolves followed, lined up in a V, like geese flying south. Which meant that the rusty brown monster that shrugged through the brush last was close enough for me to touch._

_I gave an involuntary gasp and jumped back- which was the stupidest thing I could have done. I froze again, waiting for the wolves to turn on me, the much weaker of the available prey. I wished briefly that Laurent would get on with it and crush the wolf pack -- it should be so simple for him. I guessed that, between the two choices before me, being eaten by wolves was almost certainly the worse option._

_The wolf closest to me, the reddish brown one, turned its head slightly at the sound of my gasp._

_The wolf's eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of a second, the deep eyes seeming too intelligent for a wild animal._

_As it stared at me, I suddenly thought of Jacob--again, with gratitude. At least I'd come here alone, to this fairy-tale meadow filled with dark monsters. At least Jacob wasn't going to die, too. At least I wouldn't have his death on my hands._ I gazed back into the wolf's eyes and for some reason I felt like I was safe, like this wolf inches from me wouldn't harm me. .._this fairy-tale meadow_, I thought again to myself. I only felt safe around Charlie or...no, it couldn't be.

_Then another low growl from the leader caused the russet wolf to whip his head around, back toward Laurent._

_Laurent was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock and fear. The first I could understand. But I was stunned when, without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees._

_He ran away. _Then before I could even think, I said, "Jacob?" I slapped my hand to my mouth and at that same moment, the russet wolf slowly turned his head to me. It locked eyes with me and whimpered. The huge black wolf let out a loud growl and before I could grasp what was going on, the russet wolf turned and walked towards the black wolf, letting out another whimper. I stared at the russet wolf as it left my side and then realized that all of the wolves were looking at me. I felt certain that this was the end. I stepped backwards but the wolves didn't approach me. To my amazement, instead, _the wolves were after him in a second, sprinting across the open grass with a few powerful bounds, snarling and snapping so loudly that my hands flew up instinctively to cover my ears. The sound faded with surprising swiftness once they disappeared into the woods._

_And then I was alone again._

_My knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands, sobs building in my throat._

_I knew I needed to leave, and leave now._ But, I couldn't move. My mind was encompassed by the reaction that the wolf made when I said Jacob. Was it just my imagination running away with me? Or was there a connection between me and the wolf? I had to snap out of it. Jacob was far away from this place, he was safe. I needed to get to safety too.

I put all the power I had left into lifting myself up off the ground. I turned and looked around the meadow remembering a time when a different girl walked this meadow. I didn't know her anymore. She was gone, just like him. The thought of him was all I needed to turn and walk out of the clearing. As the memories of that day invaded my mind, I started running. I ran as fast I could. But because of being born a klutz, I kept being reacquainted with the ground. After falling more times than I could count, I decided that I should probably just walk the rest of the way to my truck. I knew Charlie would be furious when I told him that I came out here. He warned me not to, and I should have listened to him. If he only knew that his daughter was a danger magnet, he would probably never let me out of his sight. But now I could tell Charlie that there wasn't a gigantic bear roaming the forest, it was a pack of gigantic wolves.

The wolf's eyes flickered back into my head. The way it whimpered when it locked eyes with me like it knew me and whimpering again when it went to the head of the pack like it didn't want to leave me. Who was I kidding? The wolf probably wanted to attack me instead of Laurent. I still couldn't believe that the pack would choose a vampire over a human for a snack, I guess that's what the russet wolf was thinking too.

About a half hour later, my truck finally came into view. I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't have much further to go before I would be safe. I was glad that I had made it back to my truck without any horrible injuries. Sure I had bruises and cuts all over my hands and legs but that was usual for me. As I got closer to my truck, the fine hair on my neck started to stand up because it wasn't just my truck that was waiting for me on the gravel road. I stopped in my tracks and took in a deep breath. I realized whoever it was had heard me approaching because they slowly started to turn around to face me.

****** Any thoughts?? If you do please leave me a review! I would love to hear what you think! ******


	2. Chapter 2 : Changes

*All these wonderful characters belong to Stephanie Meyer*

***** Thank you to everyone who has read my story so far! I was so nervous that no one would read it. Please stick with me though. I promise I will have up the next 5 chapters up really quickly! And please don't be shy to send me a review! I would absolutely love to hear what you think and if you have any advice for me, since this is the first fanfic I have ever done I could use all the advice I can get! Again thank you so much for reading my story, you have no idea how much it means to me!*****

Chapter 2: Changes

Terror started to rock through me as I stood there with my eyes wide open, looking at the person who was now turning around to face me. I felt like I was standing in concrete, because I was unable to move from where I was standing. I just stared ahead of me waiting to see who it was and more importantly what it was.

I saw his face but I was confused. The last time I had seen him he was so much smaller. His body was now muscular and strong. He looked like he had grown a foot since I had seen him only a week ago. But it wasn't his body that was so different to me, it was his face. He looked so much older and wiser, but at the same time he looked scared and sad. Relief then washed through me when I came to the realization that I was safe, it was my Jacob. The concrete released my feet and I was sprinting towards Jacob. He opened his arms and I made impact with his rock hard body. The tears came rushing down my face knowing that he was ok, that he was here with me.

He pushed me away keeping his hands secured around my upper arms so that he could look at my face. He did not smile which was very unusual for Jacob. I didn't think too much of it's absence because I was too overjoyed to actually have him here.

"What are you doing here Bella?" he questioned me.

I looked around and noticed that I did not see his vehicle anywhere. "Jake, I think the better question would be, how did you know where I was? And how did you get here?"

He didn't even hesitate when he answered my question, "Embry dropped me off. I know you Bella. I figured you wouldn't give up until you found that meadow you were looking for so I thought I would just wait here for you."

He had come looking for me! That meant that everything was ok. He still cared and I hadn't lost him yet!

"Bella, what are you doing out here? You know that it is dangerous to go strolling around the forest by yourself. I know you have been a mess lately Bells, but come on, where is the common sense here? Charlie warned you not to go into the forest by yourself!" Jacob was starting to shake and I could see the anger on his face. His hands were gripping me harder and harder.

"Ouch Jake! You're hurting me, let go!" His face looked pained and quickly let go of me.

"I'm sorry Bella. But I was so worried about you." I had never seen this kind of pain radiating from him. He said he was worried about me, but this new found pain he had made me instantly worried about him.

But then something occurred to me, "How did you know that Charlie warned me to stay out of the forest?"

"Because my Dad told me Charlie had warned you when he warned me to stay out of the forest," he shot back at me.

"Oh, well I'm sorry. You weren't answering any of my calls and you never called me when you are obviously all better now. I wasn't going to just keep sitting around the house by myself Jacob." I was starting to get really annoyed at this interrogation. He began to say something but I cut him off. If he was going to interrogate me then he had better know that he was going to get interrogated right back!

"Why haven't you called me? What did I do wrong? I thought you were okay with the fact that I wanted to take our friendship slow. Everything seemed perfect between us when you left my house last week! What happened Jacob? I don't understand!" I tried to force the tears back but they came anyway.

"So you thought that you'd just go do the most dangerous thing that you could think of? Why I haven't called and all that other stuff isn't important right now. You need to understand that what you did today was dangerous!"

"It didn't occur to me that I would be in any danger until I actually got to the meadow." I backed off of my interrogation, but I wasn't going to for long.

"What do you mean?" He looked somewhat confused.

"You know that bear that people keep seeing? Well, I saw it, I saw them. And it wasn't a bear. It was a giant wolf. And there were five of them. I was so scared!! But they didn't attack me or give me too much attention. They just ran the other way. Its strange, I can't explain it. But, I know that they wouldn't have hurt me." I knew how strange it sounded, but if anyone was going to listen to me and believe me, I knew it would be him.

"Are you kidding me Bella? You think that a giant wolf wouldn't harm you! How can you be so reckless and stupid!" It felt like he had slapped me across the face. I knew what I had seen! Who the hell did he think he was talking to?! He had never talked to me this way. He had changed and I hated this change! This was not my Jacob standing in front of me.

"Get out of my way Jacob! I'm going home." I stomped past him.

"Bella wait."

I turned around to glare at him, "What Jacob? Do you want to keep calling me names and keep questioning my intellect?"

"No, I probably should since I still don't think you grasp the severity of the situation! But, as you pointed out before I don't have a vehicle. So, could you give me a ride home?"

"Fine! Get in the truck! But I don't want to hear another word from you unless you can answer my questions!" I shouted at him.

I got in my truck, slamming the door behind me. Trying to start it was a whole different ordeal, I stalled it twice because of the anger rolling through me. I finally was able to pull away, leaving behind me the events that had just transpired. I kept my eyes focused on the road but I could feel his eyes penetrating me. I wanted to look over and see if he still looked angry but I was too stubborn to let go of how mad I was at him. After about ten minutes I heard him let out a loud sigh.

"Bella?" He said very calmly.

"What Jacob? Do you have the answers to my questions now? Or are you going to apologize for being a jackass?" I shot at him not taking my eyes off the road in front of me. Jacob quickly grabbed my right hand off of my leg. I was stunned by how hot he felt and looked over at him. His eyes looked so sad and I knew there was an apology coming. He rubbed circles in the palm of my hand but didn't respond to my irruption. "Whats going on Jake?"

"Bells, I'm sorry. Your right, what I said before was wrong. I'm overjoyed that you are in one piece, despite the cuts and the bruises that are all over you. But, I need you to accept that I'm not the guy I was a week ago. I have changed and I fear that it won't take you long to hate me as much as I hate myself." He peered into my eyes, waiting for a similar reaction to my first. But I wouldn't give it to him. I saw the agony in his eyes. Something was really wrong. Nevertheless, I was realizing that no matter what way I phrased the question, he wasn't going to give me the solid answer that I was seeking.

"I don't understand where this is all coming from. You've been sick the last week. How could you have changed so much from a virus?" And it was true, I didn't understand where his behavior or fear. Yes, his appearance had changed substantially and he was in a really terrible mood, but how could he think that I could hate him? I couldn't think of anything that would make me hate my best friend.

"And better yet, how can you say that I could ever hate you? You're my best friend. You have been here for me through the darkest days I have ever seen in my entire life. Maybe you don't see it but you are such a great person and I am so thankful for everything you have done for me. You have been so patient with me through all my madness."

"Your right, you don't understand. And I don't think I could ever give you an answer for you to comprehend what I am saying." He paused for a moment and released my hand from his grip. "I'm sorry Bella, but I don't think it is going to be possible for us to carry on the same relationship we have had in the past few months. Things have changed for me and I have new commitments that are of more importance. I refuse to drag you down with me."

I took a deep breath scared to ask the questions that were popping into my mind. He was trying to get rid of me, he was pushing me away. "So our friendship isn't of any importance to you anymore? You don't care about me?" I could feel myself losing hold of my breathing.

"Of course I care about you, more than you will ever know. But, I'm not good enough for you anymore." Oh God, it was happening again. Jake was going to leave me just like _he _did. I knew what he meant to say was that I wasn't good enough for him. I was already aware of the fact that I wasn't good enough for him, but I had always hoped that Jacob wouldn't come to the realization that I wasn't. My heart was breaking and I could feel the hole that I already had in me start to push its way through me again. I could feel the darkness start to reach for me, to pull me back down into the void that I had been in before.

He must have realized what was happening, because he grabbed hold of my hand again. We pulled up to a stoplight and he said, "Bella look at me." I did as he said and I could again see the torture he was going through. He was being tormented by something that I couldn't understand, something he desperately wanted me to figure out. "You have no idea how much this hurts."

"Please, please Jake, just tell me what is going on!" I begged. " I'm here for you too, I thought you knew that. Let me help you!"

"It's too late. There is nothing you can do to help me." Tears were forming in his eyes and it tore me apart. "The damage it done. Can't you see that?!" We were getting close to La Push now and I feared that this might be the last time I would see him for awhile. He turned away from me looking out the passenger side window. He took his other hand and smashed it onto the dash and in confusion, I saw a crack that had now formed where he had hit his hand. "Bella, pull over and let me out, this is close enough to home, I can walk from here."

"No Jacob, we aren't done working this out. Just tell me what I did wrong? I can fix it! "

"Can't you just accept that we can't work any of this out?" He pleaded. "You didn't do anything wrong. There is no way that you could have known this was going to happen and there was no way you could have stopped it." He started to shake again. "It's over Bella, just leave it alone, ok?" There were now tears streaming down his face. "There is nothing you can do to change what I have become!" Panic swept over his face. "Just please, pull over and let me out!!" I did as he said. He looked over at me as he put his hand on the door handle and in nothing flat, he reached across the seat and kissed me on the forehead and said, "Take care of yourself Bells." And with that he got out of my truck and disappeared into the darkness.

*****So, what do you think? Somewhat similar to the conversation they have in the book but stick with me, things are going to change in the next few chapters that will turn away from what happened in the book. *****


	3. Chapter 3: Fix You

*All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer*

******Sorry that I haven't updated in a long time! I have been so crazy busy with school and work and everything else. But summer is over now and school is calming down so I will be able to concentrate on this much more. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think! ******

Chapter 3: Fix You

I don't know what came over me in that instant, but I got out of my truck and called his name. I took off running in the direction I had seen him go but I couldn't find him. All of a sudden, I heard a very loud howl. The howl seemed so close sending chills right down my spine. I looked around me, scared that the pack I had seen just a few hours prior would reappear. "JACOB!!!" I screamed one more time. I didn't hear anything so I turned around and headed back to my truck.

I climbed into my truck and put my arms around my chest trying to control the sobs that were causing my whole body to shake. I had to pull myself together and drive home. It was getting late and I knew that Charlie would soon start to get worried about where I was. So, I lied to myself, everything will be okay. Jacob would come to his senses soon enough and we would work out whatever changes that he spoke of before. Jake promised me he would always be there for me and that he would never hurt me, I had to keep believing that. With that, I started my truck and turned around, heading back to Forks.

No more than fifteen minutes later, I pulled into my driveway. Charlie's cruiser was already here so I hoped that he wasn't angry that I didn't have dinner waiting for him. I walked inside and he was just sitting on the sofa watching baseball, which came as no surprise to me.

"Hello Bella. How was your day?" he asked not looking away from the television.

"It was fine. Sorry that I don't have dinner ready. But I can whip something together quick if you want." I opened the fridge looking for something I could make him.

"Don't worry about it. I already ordered some pizza. It should be here shortly." Relief fell over me that he wasn't upset and even more so that I didn't have to make anything. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed.

"Well Dad, I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to head up to bed."

"Ok, but aren't you hungry?" He questioned me with confusion in his voice, now turning to look at me.

"No, not really. I had a big lunch," I lied. "But thanks for ordering pizza anyways. Just save whatever is left and I will have it tomorrow."

"Alright, well good night."

"Night Dad." Charlie was so easy. I would tell him about my adventure in the forest with the wolf pack in the morning before he left for work so that he had more information. I didn't want to get into it with him right now.

I made my way into my room and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to put on after getting out of the shower. I turned on the water before getting in so it could warm up. I took off my dirty clothes and inspected the damage. I didn't have any bad cuts; just small ones. I also had a few big bruises on my knees and lower legs. I was glad that the evidence of my clumsiness would be erased in a few days.

The shower was so nice. For awhile I just let it wash down on me as I sorted out exactly what Jake had said to me earlier. I was still so confused. I had made up my mind that I would call him in the morning and if he refused my phone calls, then I would just go down to his house and demand to talk to him. If it wasn't me that he was upset with, and then I knew that we could work out whatever problems there were. I wasn't going to lose him.

Lying in bed, I let the exhaustion roll over me. I closed my eyes and drifted off into hibernation.

I woke up to a knock at my door the next morning. I quickly used my hands as shields over my eyes due to the sun pouring into my room.

"Bella, are you awake?" I heard Charlie say as he knocked on the door again.

"Yeah Dad, I'll be right down," I responded, pulling the sheets over my head.

"Okay well, I'm taking off. I made a list of a few things I need from the store, that is, if you don't mind making a trip out today." He said through the door.

"Sure. No problem." I said, thinking that I could use a few things from the store as well.

"Okay, I left money on the table for you. There should be more than enough there." I heard him start to make his way down the stairs. "Oh and Bella," he shouted up to me, "I'll be late tonight so it will just be you for dinner. So, the remaining money you can use to order Chinese or something."

"Okay thanks! Have a nice day Dad." I shouted back to him.

"You too Bells!" I heard him say as he made his way down the rest of the stairs and out the door.

I got up a few minutes after Charlie left and headed downstairs to add to the list that Charlie already had waiting for me. I quickly had a bowl of cereal and headed upstairs to get ready for my day. After finishing up in the bathroom, I folded the clothes in the dryer and started another load. As I was folding them, I stumbled upon a sweatshirt that didn't belong to me. I sat down on the couch and pulled the sweatshirt into my arms, putting my face to it trying to find any smell left there that the fabric softener didn't override. I decided then that I wasn't going to wait any longer. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. After one ring, I heard a familiar voice, Billy's.

"Hello?"

"Hi Billy. It's Bella. Is Jake home?" I quickly got to the point, "I really need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry Bella. But he left about an hour ago to hang out with the guys," he responded, "but I will make sure he calls you when he gets back, okay?"

"Thanks Billy. Make sure you tell him it's important that I talk to him right away okay?" I urged.

"Yes of course. Have a great day Bella." He said.

"You too Billy," with that he hung up the phone. I put the phone on the receiver and walked upstairs to put my laundry away, taking the sweatshirt with me.

I sat down on my bed thinking about the night before and what exactly I wanted to say to Jake about it. The out of nowhere, a sense of panic washed over me. I knew Jacob wouldn't call later. He had been so angry last night; I had never seen him that way and for that matter, I never wanted to again either. The look on his face was painful and I didn't even know where to go from here to make things better for him, but I knew I had too. I felt certain that before long everything would make sense and we would work everything out. As soon as I got home from grocery shopping, I decided, I would go down to La Push and make things better. With this new found confidence, I found a smile on my face knowing that Jacob and I would be us again shortly.

I needed more things at the store than I thought, so I was frustrated at how much time it took me, when all I could think about was getting down to La Push to see Jacob. On my way home a new song came on and as I listened to it, I thought more and more about Jake.

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I..._

_Tears stream down on your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I..._

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_That was Fix You by Coldplay on you favorite radio station 98.5 the breeze! _

That song had it perfectly right. My job was to fix Jacob. I had to. Something was wrong and I couldn't let him hurt like this any longer. I knew exactly what to say to him then. And I couldn't wait to help him, the way he had helped me.

As I pulled into my driveway, I saw something that made me sigh in relief, Jacob sitting on my front porch. I jumped out of my truck and ran over to him. He stood up and let me fall into his arms. I wrapped myself around him, putting my face into his chest so that I could smell what I had looked for in the sweatshirt earlier. The smell was different but still there. The new smell was mixed with the old but added a bit of a woodsy scent. But, I didn't care, it was Jacob, and he was here. I could fix things now, fix him.

"Jacob! I am so glad that you are here!" I nearly shouted. "I have so much that I want to say to you." I had got so caught up that he was there that I hadn't realized until that very second that my face was pressed up against his bare skin. I pulled myself away from him and looked at his physical appearance. He was wearing nothing besides a pair of jean shorts and tennis shoes. But before I could say another word, he cut me off.

"Bells, I am so sorry for the way I behaved yesterday," he started, "I hope you can forgive me for being such a jackass to you. I was just so worried about you and I have so much going on, you wouldn't even believe me if I could tell you the truth of what has been happening to me over the past week." He pulled me back and looked into my eyes.

"Are you okay? Can you forgive me?" He searched my eyes for the answer he so desperately wanted.

"Of course, I forgive you Jake! You're my best friend and I have been so inconsiderate about what has been going on with you and in your life. All I have been worried about is me and everything that is bad in my life. And that is so wrong because you have been there for me through all of this and now I am going to be there for you." I took and breathe and then continued. "You can tell me the truth of everything that has been happening. You can trust me!"

"That's not the problem Bella. I know I can trust you but there are just some secrets that I can't tell. And I need you to understand that." Jacob said, still looking deep into my eyes.

"Okay, I understand, but at least tell me what exactly is wrong and then I can find a way to help," I assured him.

"Look, this is already really hard for me Bella, so please just listen," he paused, "I can't give you the type of friendship we had before last week. It isn't you fault, it is mine. If you can understand anything I'm telling you, then this is it. You need to understand the fact that you have done nothing wrong, this is all on me. But you can't change it; there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I wish there was, believe me, but there is no way around what I am bound to now." He started to shake and stepped away from me. I stepped towards him to try and console him, but he put up his hand at me and said, "Just give me a minute." I just sat there staring at him and the expressions that flowed on his face. First, of pain and anger, then into sorrow and regret, and then finally into just remorse and calmness.

He took a deep breathe a few minutes later and continued, "We can still be friends, but things have changed and I can't be around all the time. You are going to just have to move on without me." Tears were now streaming from his beautiful dark brown eyes and I could see the pain and struggle that he was going through to have to do this.

"Okay. Whatever is best for you Jacob is what we will do. But I won't give up on our friendship, even if we can't see each other as much, I will always be here for you and you will always be my best friend, there is no escaping that. I will fight for you." I said. He then wrapped me into a bear hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you Bells. Thank you so much for understanding. I am so sorry that I have to hurt you. I sat up last night thinking of anyway possible to get out of doing this but I have to. I am so sorry." He let me go and looked behind me towards the woods just staring into them. He closed his eyes and said, "I have to go now."

"No please stay. We just worked things out and I understand Jake. Please don't go." I begged.

He looked back down and said, "I have to. But I will come and see you the first chance I get, I promise you that." He kissed my forehead. And right before he turned to walk away, he gazed beyond me and said, "It isn't fair, you mean everything to me," then he lifted my chin and looked deep into my eyes, "please remember that."

I watched him walk down the driveway and then turned around to walk into the house. It was only for a second that I had looked away but when I looked back, he was gone.

******Well let me know what you think, and I will add another chapter in a few days at the most.*****


	4. Chapter 4: Wonderland

All characters belong to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer! Although I do love to play with the storyline! =)

******I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and added me to your favorite stories list! I know I only add stories to my favorites list that are truly great writing and that I really connect with, so it means a lot to me that my writing has connected with you! And for all those who haven't reviewed yet, I love to get feedback; it really fuels me to get out another chapter that much faster and lets me know that I am doing a good job! So thank you so much and I hope that you enjoy this chapter! ******

**Chapter 4: Wonderland**

After scanning the tree line and the road one last time searching for any sign of where he might have disappeared, I decided to go inside and order some food and finish up some cleaning.

When I walked into the house, I glanced at the time, 4:17pm. I could definitely put in a good two hours of cleaning before ordering Chinese.

I quickly took a few minutes to think about what had just transpired. First, I thought about how relieved that I was that Jake had shown up, without me having to force him to talk to me or having to track him down. He made the first move and that made me so sure that things were going to be okay. I felt a huge load being lifted off of my shoulders in that moment when I realized that I didn't have to worry about being all alone again. For awhile there, I had really thought that I had lost my best friend. The look on his face, the night before, had been something that I couldn't explain to myself. I had dissected it so many times in so many different ways but I couldn't find the reason for why that look was planted there on his sweet face. I felt that I could breathe now, knowing that I hadn't lost him.

Second, I thought about how glad I was that he clearly stated that it wasn't my fault for whatever was going on with him. I was so frightened that he would be upset with me for telling him that I would never change my mind and to not to wait for me. I thought back to the movie and maybe I had been too cold. He had been there for me through the roughest time in my life and I had just turned him down like he meant nothing to me; like he could never be good enough for me to be with. But that was all wrong. In a perfect world, a world without Edward, _cringe_, in it, I would be with Jacob. He was the perfect fit for me in so many ways. He made me smile and laugh and I felt like I was glowing whenever I was with him. Jake made me forget about how clumsy I was, but not even that, he made me feel proud to be who I was. I was naturally a klutz and he didn't care about that. He didn't over protect me or make me feel beneath him in any way. He just saw me for who I really was, pros and cons, he saw me as, Isabella Marie Swan.

And finally, I thought about what he had meant about a few things that he had said that really confused me. _"…__you wouldn't even believe me if I could tell you the truth of what has been happening to me." _ What wouldn't I believe him about? And why couldn't he tell me the truth? It made absolutely no sense to me. Didn't he know that no matter what he told me, I would never be ashamed of him? And what was happening to him? He never had clarified exactly what he was so upset about. Only that something was going on and that I had to trust him that it had nothing to do with me.

The next thing I thought about was,_ "…there is no way around what I am bound to now." _What did he mean that he was bound to something? How was there no way around it? Did he get a job that they were really strict about? Was he in trouble? Any of these questions that flew threw my mind made me wonder what exactly he meant. I knew that whatever it was, he was really upset by it and didn't like it at all, in fact, that was understating it. The way he talked about what he was "bound to" was with pure hate and resentment. But at the same time, he seemed so frightened and unsure about what words to use when he was talking to me. I could tell that he kept watching what he was saying before, he was so careful about his word choices. Whatever this was it wasn't a good thing. And I had to find a way to help him with whatever time I had with him. Which made me question if there was something that Jake was leaving out that he didn't want me to know about or was just waiting for the right time to tell me. I was definitely going to give him the benefit of the doubt though and thought to myself that he was just waiting for good timing. I knew that Jake trusted me with everything, so I had to know now that he would tell me when the time was right.

The good thing out of all of this was that he reassured me that I meant something to him. He made it clear to me that our friendship was going to be okay. _"…__you mean everything to me," _I hoped he knew how much he meant to me. And I had faith that that alone would make a difference in how he was dealing with everything, and how it would affect us. Plus that solely, gave me peace of mind that everything would work itself out. I still had my Jacob.

For the next two hours I cleaned the floors, the windows, the kitchen, the bathroom, and finished up the laundry. My room also needed my attention so I quickly put my room back into order and made my way back downstairs, happy about everything I had got accomplished in such little time.

My stomach was starting to talk to me so I knew that I needed to eat soon. I entered the kitchen searching for the number for the Chinese restaurant, when I noticed something sitting on the kitchen table. I went over and picked it up, it was a note, to me. But I was confused; I never saw him enter the house or heard anything. Maybe he didn't want to talk to me, so he snuck in and left it while I was upstairs vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom or bedroom. I sat there trying to sort out when this note got here but finally gave up and figured that it was more than likely that I just had not heard him enter. I opened the letter, already knowing who it was from.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry that I had to take off so fast but I had to do something that was important. When I came back to talk to you, I heard you cleaning upstairs and didn't want to disturb you, so sorry if this seems creepy. I don't want it to look like I snuck in your house and left this letter for you. I wasn't trying to avoid you or anything. Just saw that you were busy and figured that a note would be easier. I swear I'm not a peeping tom or anything like that._

Wow Jacob spit it out, I thought as I read his letter. But thinking about him sitting there trying to write this note to me brought a huge smile to my face.

_Anyways, I wanted to apologize again for the way I have been acting and thank you for how understanding you were today. You are so good to me, and I know I don't deserve you, especially now. I was also wondering if you didn't already have plans tomorrow if you would want to get together, just like old times, well I guess they aren't really like old times, more just like you know before I became this way. . . . .Ya, just ignore that last part. I promise I will be on my best behavior if you decide to come. So please meet me at our spot tomorrow around noon. If you can't come or don't want to come don't worry about it, I will understand. It is probably best if you didn't come anyways, I know that would make them happy if you didn't. But, I told them that I would never hurt you, but it doesn't matter what they think Bells, I just really need to see you. You are the only thing that will get me through this. I miss you. So much. Just please meet me at noon tomorrow._

_Jake_

Of course, I would meet him. I was so happy to hear that we had really worked things out and that he wanted to see me tomorrow. But, who was he talking about who thought it was best for us not to see each other? I didn't understand how Jake could be dangerous or who would accuse him of ever trying to hurt me. Jacob was my sun, and he would never do anything to hurt me, and I knew this all too well. I would ask him what he meant by that tomorrow and find out who "they" were. But he said I miss you and I missed him so much too.

With a new found confidence, I picked up the phone and dialed Jake's number. No one answered. So I left a message, "Hey Jacob! It's Bella. I just wanted to let you know that I **will** meet you tomorrow at the beach at noon. I can't wait to see you! Bye." There. All set.

I was finally able to relax after I had called Jake's so I decided that it was definitely time to refuel myself with some good old Chinese.

* * *

After eating dinner and sitting down to watch some television, I decided that it was probably best that I head to bed. I could hardly keep my eyes open anymore and I had had a really long and exhausting day. And I was sure that tomorrow was going to be the turn around day for Jake and I; and I couldn't wait!

It didn't take long before slumber found me and I went willingly.

Before I knew it I was running. I was running as fast as my feet would take me through the forest. Usually in my dreams I was in my shoes but I was watching myself in this dream, but I could also feel what I was feeling as I watched myself confused. This feeling seemed so strong and the look on my face was of extreme determination and of longing. I looked around me noting that I was definitely not alone, but it wasn't the fact that I wasn't alone that frightened me, it was of the something that I couldn't keep up with. I then realized that I was following someone; someone that meant a lot to me, but watching me I couldn't figure out exactly who it was that I was after. And I couldn't put together why they were running away from me. I noticed that it was raining out, but I wasn't cold. But it didn't feel like I was running through the forest, it felt like I was gliding through the air with grace. This felt similar to a feeling that I had felt before. It had been so long since I had felt this kind of grace and safety. But I couldn't find the strength, even in this wonderland to think his name or even think what that grace and safety had meant to me.

As I glided through the forest, I kept looking around looking for some sort of sign of what I was looking for and who was with me. Initially, I looked around for signs. I was definitely near the coast because I could hear the waves crashing onto the rocks. But I wasn't on a beach and I had the feeling that I wasn't anywhere near La Push or even near Forks. Wherever I was, I had been running for awhile. Then two things happened. The first wasn't surprising to me but the second woke me up with a jolt, something had occurred that I hadn't been expecting.

I reached for the lamp by my bed to bring some light into my room since it was clearly the middle of the night. I was breathing heavily, thinking of the wonderland that I had just awoken from. I replayed quickly what I had just seen. What hadn't surprised me was that a feeling of being lost swept over me and so I had come to a stop. But what awoke me was something that opened up a wound that I had just started to put behind me. It has him, standing there in all his perfection and beauty. And that is when I realized in my dream that the reason I knew I wasn't alone was because I wasn't running by myself, I was running with _him_.

******I will have the next chapter up within the next few days as well. Let me know what you thought of this chapter or any questions you may have about anything that I have written so far in the last four chapters! I hope you are enjoying it! I know that I am thoroughly enjoying writing it and putting it out there to share with all of you!******

**

* * *

  
**

**On a side note, with all the chapters I write, there is usually a song that I can connect to it. For this one, with the dream sequence, "Crawling" By Linkin Park. Here are the lyrics to it:**

Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming/confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling/I can't seem

To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure

Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting/reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It`s haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure

Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing, confusing what is real  
(There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface)

Consuming, confusing what is real  
(This lack of self-control I fear is never ending)  
Controlling, confusing what is real.


	5. Chapter 5: Falling For You

All characters belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer!!

******Sorry that this chapter took longer than I said it would. But I wanted to make this chapter really great and really show how Jake and Bella's relationship is developing. I hope you enjoy it! And thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed! You really fuel me to keep writing!By the way, there is exactly one month before New Moon comes out in theaters and I am so excited. I bought my tickets for the midnight showing over a month ago! I just saw the clip of Paul changing into a wolf and Jacob too and it was amazing.. Chris Weitz sure did a great job making the wolves look so real! I can't wait! The countdown is definitely on!******

**Chapter 5: Falling For You**

**Edward. **I sat there in my bed for the rest of the night with the image of him standing next to me in the forest. It had been awhile since I had seen his face, his beautiful face. He looked exactly as I had remembered him, total perfection, exactly the way he did when he left me. I was surprised at how much easier it was to think about him, but I still had to wrap my arms around the invisible hole in my chest to keep my broken heart from falling out. Months ago I wouldn't have been able to think about him this much, let alone be able to see his face without falling completely into the darkness that had been my only companion for so long.

After I heard Charlie get up hours later, I decided that I had thought enough about my dream, so I got up and headed downstairs to make breakfast.

"Good morning Bella! What are your plans for the day?" Charlie asked me.

"Morning Dad. Well, I thought I would make you breakfast and then I was going to head down to La Push in a few hours and hang out with Jacob." I explained to him.

"Sounds like a great plan, but I have to go soon because we have so much going on down at the station, but maybe breakfast tomorrow?" He asked with a look on his face that explained to me just how much was going on at the station.

"Yeah, sure Dad. Will you be home for dinner tonight?" I questioned further, breaking eye contact with him to get myself the eggs out of the refrigerator.

"No, I'm afraid not. I hate leaving you to have to fend for yourself like this, but things are really just so crazy right now. But you have fun with Jake today. I am glad that you two are working things out. You mean a lot to him Bella. Even a blind man could see that. Maybe you can have dinner down there tonight, treat them to one of your finest dishes. I'm sure Billy would really appreciate it and I know that Jake really loves your cooking." He paused and then continued, "But I need to get going now. Have a great day Bella."

"Okay. Thanks Dad. And making Jake and Billy dinner is a really good idea, I will definitely offer my services to them." I started. "But, you count on a really great breakfast tomorrow morning. And don't work yourself too much Dad. Even the chief needs a break here and there."

"Don't worry about me Bella, I'll be fine. And I look forward to having breakfast with my wonderful daughter tomorrow! It will keep be going today," he leaned down and kissed my forehead and said; "Say hi to Billy and Jacob for me." Then he walked out the door. Wow, I don't think I could even remember a time when Charlie had ever kissed me on the forehead in my whole life, but it certainly was a nice change of pace. Charlie had never been the touchy feely type of father so it took me by surprise that he would show affection like that, but it made me happy. Ever since I had come here Charlie and I had become closer and closer, more than I ever thought possible, and that made me feel like I could have a normal relationship with him. I looked forward to growing that relationship with him. Things were definitely starting to get better in my life. I never thought that after he left that things could get better for me. I always thought that my life could never be good again, that I could never be truly happy, but recent events were starting to prove otherwise, and it gave me hope.

* * *

After cleaning up my mess from making myself some eggs for breakfast, I headed upstairs to take a shower and get ready for my big day with Jacob. I couldn't wait to tell him about what happened this morning with Charlie and how glad I was that me and him were working things out. I thought about what I could make them for dinner and figured I should probably call Billy and make sure he didn't have any plans and so I could stop at the store on the way down and get enough groceries to make dinner. I didn't know what they would have so I would just buy everything I needed, just to be safe.

After showering and putting myself together, I looked in the mirror. The girl in it was smiling back at me and I knew that today was going to be the turn around day for me. I found the phone and dialed Jake's number.

"Hello?" Jake answered. I was so glad that he answered!

"Hi Jake! It's Bella. How are you?" I said with a huge smile on my face.

"Hi Bella. Are you calling to cancel our plans?" He asked and he sounded so sad.

"No silly! I was calling to offer to make dinner for you and Billy tonight, since I am going to be down there anyways. Is Billy around?" I asked

"Really? You're really going to come down here to hang out with me? And you are even offering to make dinner for me and my dad? How did I get so lucky?" He sounded so excited. Like a little kid on Christmas morning when he comes down and sees all the gifts.

"Of course Jake. Didn't you get my message last night? I told you that I was coming!" I put as much enthusiasm as I could into that, hoping that that would make him less nervous about me doing whatever he thought I was going to do.

"Yeah, I got it. But I still didn't know if you were going to back out or not, but I am so glad that you aren't! But I'll get Billy. Are you still going to be here at like noon?" The enthusiasm had definitely worked. Jake sounded so much calmer now. And I could have sworn I heard him let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Yup! I'll be there. Should I still meet you at the beach or just at the house? I'm bringing all I need to make you two dinner so I'll have to get that stuff in the refrigerator before we head to the beach."

"I'll meet you here at the house, so I can help you put everything away. What do you think you are going to make us?" He asked.

"I was thinking some sort of casserole or maybe even a soup, I thought I'd ask Billy if there is anything he has been dying to have lately." I told him, trying to nudge him into getting Billy again.

"Oh yeah, of course. Here he is. I can't wait to see you Bells! Hurry down okay?" He exclaimed.

"I will. See you soon." I assured him again. I heard him call for Billy again and then heard him handing the phone, telling him that I was coming down and that I had a question for him.

"Hi Bella! So, I hear you are coming down to visit us today." Billy said.

"Good morning Billy! I was wondering if I could make you and Jacob dinner tonight?"

"Wow that is really sweet of you Bella. You know I could never pass you up on it. What were you thinking? I could send Jacob to the store to get whatever you need." I could hear the joy in his voice.

"I was hoping that you had some sort of idea of what you would like. I can make anything. Have you been craving lately? And I'll stop on my way down to get groceries. You don't have to worry about anything; I have it all under control." I explained to him.

"You are so good to us Bella. Well, hmm, let me think." He paused and I could tell he was deep in thought about what he wanted me to make. "How about a chili of some sort? Do you have any good chili recipes you could try out on us?" He asked.

"Yeah, how about a white chicken chili?" I asked him, thinking how that even sounded really good to me.

"That sounds amazing Bella! Can't wait! See you soon." Billy exclaimed.

"See you soon too Billy. Will you tell Jake I'm leaving right now for the store so I'll be about 45 minutes before I get down there?"

"Sure, no problem. Between you and me, he is really excited that you are coming down. That boy has a permanent smile on his face. He really cares about you Bella and really needs you right now. He is going through a really rough time right now, and I really appreciate all you do for him." He said very sincerely.

"He is my best friend Billy. I would do anything for him, I love him." I told him.

"I know you would and I know you love him, more than you actually know." He said back. I didn't know what he meant about more than I actually know but he was probably right.

"Alright, well I'll see you soon Billy." I changed the subject quickly. Billy and I had never talked like this before and I wasn't sure how far to take this type of conversation.

"Okay. Bye Bella." He said with a light chuckle.

"Bye." I said hanging up the phone.

After getting off the phone with Billy, I pulled out my book of recipes and jotted down what I needed to get from the store to make the chili. Minutes later, I was out the door and on my way to the store and then to La Push. As I walked out my front door, I smiled thinking about the things that Charlie and Billy had said about our relationship. We meant a lot to each other and there was no way I was going to let anything get in the way of that relationship. Billy said he needed me, but Billy had no idea how much I needed him.

* * *

I got everything from the store very quickly and the next thing I knew I was pulling into La Push. It was about 11am, so I was definitely earlier that Jake had first stated but I'm sure he would have no problem with me being an hour earlier, since he had said on the phone to hurry down. As I pulled into their driveway I saw something that was made me look twice. There were five huge men standing by the front porch in nothing but a pair of shorts and shoes. They all looked my way as I pulled up and started to get out of my truck. They finished their conversation as I shut my door and four of the five turned towards the woods and walked away. The fifth was Jacob, who turned to me with a huge smile on his face, ran over, and picked me up, spinning me around and then pulled me in for a bear hug.

"Jake, can't breathe." I managed to get out.

"Sorry," he said putting me down, "I am just so excited that you are here. And you're an hour early which is even better."

"I'm happy to be here too. Do you think you could help me carry all these groceries in? Billy said he wanted white chicken chili tonight, how does that sound to you?" I told him.

"That sounds wonderful! Here, I'll get all of them. Why don't you head in the house and say hi to Billy." He said to me as he pulled the bag away that I had in my arms.

"Okay, if you insist." I teased.

As I walked up to the house, Billy was already wheeling himself out onto the porch.

"Hi Bella! Jacob there has had ants in his pants ever since he handed the phone to me earlier." He joked.

"Yeah, thanks Dad!" Jacob yelled from behind me.

"No problem son. Just keeping it real." He laughed.

"So, I thought I'd start the chili right away so that it can cook all day and have really nice flavor by the time we eat it tonight. So, I'm going to head in there and get things started. You go relax Billy. Like I said I have everything under control." I explained to him, reaching down to give him a hug.

"Thanks Bella. Don't worry I'll stay out of your way. There is a game on in an hour that you couldn't pay me to miss anyway." He said turning around and wheeling himself into the living room.

I followed him in and headed straight to the kitchen. Jake was right behind me with all the bags. Wow, I thought to myself, how did he carry all of those in here at once without dropping any of them? I guess Jake had out grown his clumsiness, I wondered if he had any tips on how I could too. I would have to ask him about that later.

I started cutting everything up while Jake pulled up a chair and watched me work.

"So, who were those guys you were talking to when I pulled up?" I asked, trying to get as much information out of him as possible.

"Oh, just some new friends and Embry." He said all nonchalantly.

"Wow, that was Embry? He sure has gotten big. What is in the water here in La Push that makes all you guys so big?" I laughed. "What were the names of the other three, they look familiar to me, but I am so bad with names you know."

"They were Sam, Jared, and Paul." Jake was hanging with the La Push gang?! I gasped. "What's wrong Bells?" He had heard me gasp and the worry crept across his face.

"I thought you didn't like those three? Especially Sam; what has changed?" I asked him, stopping what I was doing to look right at him.

"Lots have changed. And I was wrong about them. I just didn't know them and I was wrong to judge them before I knew the facts. You will really like them Bella. You just need to give them a chance like I did." He assured me.

"Okay, if you trust them, I am sure I can find a way to trust them too. But I am glad that you are hanging out with Embry again. Where was Quil?" I asked.

"I haven't seen Quil in a couple weeks. He hangs out with a different group now." He paused. "So, I am really glad that you are here. What do you want to do today? The weather is sure agreeing with us. No rain for once." He said, completely changing the subject.

"It's good to be here. Whatever you want to do today is fine with me. But if you're looking for suggestions, I was thinking something like a walk down the beach? We can just talk and catch up. I have missed you." I said reaching out to touch his hand. He grabbed my hand and looked up to me and smiled. His hand was so warm, warmer than usual. But maybe my hands were just cold. So I didn't think any more of it.

"I have missed you so much Bells. A walk down the beach and catching up is perfect. Would it be okay if I go take a shower real quick?" he said asking my permission, which surprised me, because why would I need to say if it was okay or not for him to take a shower.

"I'll be another 10 minutes or so anyway. Go ahead." Still holding my hand he put it to his lips and looked up at me, winked, and then walked out of the room.

I finished cutting everything up and then added it all together in a pot. I then worked on cleaning everything up. It was when I was cleaning up that Jake came back in from his shower. I looked over and saw that he was wearing nothing but shorts again and my eyes couldn't look away from his chest and his newly arrived six pack. I don't know if it was the fact that my mouth was wide open or that I was just staring at him that gave it away but Jake pulled me away from trance saying, "Like what you see?" He chuckled, pulling a shirt over his head and covering up what I had just so obviously been admiring.

"Umm I don't know what you mean." I tried to hide by turning away.

He laughed, "Bells, you were practically drooling." Yeah, I had been hadn't I? I felt myself turn bright red as he turned me around and put a finger beneath my chin, pulling it up, making me look right at him. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm glad you noticed. At least now I don't have to be so embarrassed when you catch me looking at how beautiful you are." That comment really made me blush. He had always been sweet, but never this straight forward.

"Beautiful, right." I said with sarcasm, looking down at myself.

"Don't you dare think that Isabella Swan. You are beautiful. You are just one of those girls who are beautiful but don't know it. It works to your advantage too."

"How so?" I asked

"It makes you more beautiful, because you don't flaunt your beauty, it is just natural." He explained to me, making me spin around in a circle, so he could get a complete look at me.

"Thanks Jake. I really appreciate the comment." I said, and I could feel myself glowing with happiness.

"Sure, sure. I just speak the truth." He said, winking at me again. "So, are you all done? Ready for our day together?"

"Yup, all done! Let's go!" I exclaimed. A huge smile was planted on his face now and I knew that I had done what I came here to do; I was making things better for Jake and me.

I told Billy on the way out that he didn't have to worry about checking on the chili at all, it would be fine until we got back. And with that Jake and I headed down to the beach, hand in hand.

* * *

We walked in silence for what seemed like hours, but were probably just a matter of a few minutes. I finally decided that I needed to say something; I needed to ask him the questions that I had not been able to get out of my head since I had seen him the day before.

"Jake?" I looked over at him. The look on his face was like he was at battle with something. He wanted so badly to tell me something but I could see on his face that he wouldn't.

"Yeah." He said looking down at me.

"What is going on? What aren't you telling me?" I paused. "I want to help you but I need you to tell me what is going on first so I know what to do."

"Nothing is going on Bells; you have nothing to worry about. I promised you that I would be there for you and that I would find time for us and I have so please, can we just put the last few days behind us and just be here, together. Please?" He begged and I could see the pain in his eyes, and the need for me to just leave it alone.

"Okay. But can I just ask you one question and then I promise I will drop it?"

"Okay. What is your question?" He said gripping my hand in his.

"Are you in trouble?" I asked him. His grip on me tightened some more and I took that as a yes.

"No, not exactly." He answered, looking away from me.

"What does that mean?" I was confused, so I pressed the issue.

"You really have nothing to worry about Bella. I am going to be fine as long as I have you here by my side." He skirted the question.

"Why aren't you answering the question that I am asking you?" I pressed some more, getting frustrated.

"Because it is an empty question; I'm not in trouble, not the way you think I am. So please, Bella, please just drop it." He let go of my hand and walked away from me, walking only a few steps and then he sat on a log and put his face in his hands. I followed him and kneeled in front of him.

"Jake, I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just feel like you aren't telling me things and I want you to be able to trust me with whatever is going on in your life right now. I can tell that something is tormenting you and I hate it. I want to make it go away so that you can be happy." He looked up at me.

"Like I said, I will be happy as long as I don't lose you. As long as I have you by my side Bells, everything else doesn't matter." He said, putting both of his hands on my face and stroking my cheeks with his fingers. "Please, I have missed you so much and I just want to be able to be us again. I don't know if that is going to be possible, but damn it I am going to try my hardest to get as close as possible to the pair that we used to be. I do trust you; it has nothing to do with it. You are my best friend and I need you to trust **me** to know what is best for me. And what is best for me is for you to not give up on me no matter what happens for here on out. I know you have so many questions about the last few weeks, especially the last few days, and things I have said but I am begging you to please just let it go. If all you have for me today is questions, then please, just sit here in silence with me. I just need for you to be here, that's all."

I sat there for a few minutes just looking into his eyes, and him looking back into mine. It was such an intimate duration and for a brief moment the thought of kissing him flew threw my mind, but I couldn't kiss him, it would just make things worse. It would confuse him and it would hurt him. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to him. I was confused on how I was feeling about things between us. And I needed to figure out what was happening between us before I gave him any hope of me wanting to be more than just best friends. I completely understood what he was saying. When everything happened with me, the best medicine for me was just sitting on the beach with Jacob, holding his hand in silence; just feeling safe and secure with him made all the difference in the world to me and my recovery. That is all he was asking me for right now, so I would give it to him and I would drop what had happened over the past couple weeks to help him. I would do anything for Jacob.

"Okay. I'm sorry I pushed the issue so much. Can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive Bells. You have the right to ask me whatever questions you need to. I am just sorry that I can't answer them for you." He wrapped his arms around me and for a long time we just sat like that; my arms around him and his arms around me, and it was the best feeling in the world. In those moments the world stopped for me and him. It stopped to let us just be.

In those moments, I thought about our relationship. Jake meant so much to me and I truly loved him. But I was starting to feel more for him than I had ever felt before. The safe and secure feeling that I had always felt in his arms was starting to turn into feelings of affection and infatuation. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. He seemed so calm now and so at peace. And I felt the exact same way.

"Bells?" He whispered.

"Mhmm" I managed to get out.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

"How peaceful this is." I wouldn't tell him how I thought that I was beginning to have a crush on him.

"I think so too." He paused and took a deep breathe. "Bella, I know this is a hard subject for you, but what did you see in him that I can't give you?"

I pressed away from him and got up, walking towards the waves that crashed onto the beach. I slipped off my shoes quickly and walked where the water rushed up onto the beach with every wave to just feel the cool rush on my feet. I felt him walk up behind me.

He grabbed onto my hand and said, "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that, I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't have asked. It is just that back there I felt like you could be mine, like when you were his. I know you don't feel that way, but the way you were holding me before, was different than you have ever held me. I'm sorry; maybe I am just looking into things too deep because I want so badly for something to be there." I turned around and looked at him. At some point, he had taken off his shoes and joined me in the cool rush. I could see in his eyes that he was waiting for me to turn him down again, to tell him that nothing that he did could ever be enough, but I wouldn't say that this time.

"Here, take my hand," I said offering my hand to him. He looked at it and without any more hesitation, took it in his. "Walk with me?" I asked giving him a quick smile. He nodded and so we started walking along the beach with our feet in the cool rush of the waves.

"I haven't talked to anyone about how much him leaving has torn me apart. But, I know that you can see exactly how much it has." He nodded again. "He meant everything to me. I would have given anything to have been with him forever." And I knew that all too well. I would have given up my life to be with him forever. I would have walked away from everything I had ever known, given up my family and my friends for the chance to be with him forever. His grip on my hand tightened and I knew that this subject was as rough on him as it was on me.

"I had a weird dream about him last night. I haven't dreamt about him in a long time. I mean I have nightmares about him leaving me and the pain I felt when he did but I never see his face." I paused and stopped walking, looking over at Jake. "The pain he left me with was horrible. At times, I wished for death to just take me. I wasn't enough for him, which is why he left me." I felt the hole in my chest start to open and I let go of his hand to wrap my arms around myself to try and stop the destruction that I was imposing on myself. But I needed to get this out.

"When you left me two days ago, when I was taking you home, I thought that you have finally figured out that I wasn't good enough for you. I thought you were going to leave me just like he did." The tears started to fall now and by the look on his face, I knew that my recollection of it was taking him back to that day.

"Bella, I am so," but before he could finish what he was saying, I cut him off.

"No Jacob, that isn't what I am looking for. I don't need you to apologize to me. You are **not** him. You came back for me. You have proved time and time again that I am good enough to have you in my life, to be in your life." I paused and let go of my chest and put my arms around his waist. "Look at me." And he did, he looked deep into my eyes.

"You are better than him in so many ways. Please don't compare yourself to him or my relationship with him. I am a different person than I was with him. You have helped me become that person. When I looked into the mirror this morning I saw that person smiling back at me and I felt good about myself, for the first time in a long time. You know how you said I was beautiful before?" He nodded. "You make me feel beautiful Jacob. That feeling alone means everything to me."

He smiled and said, "Really? I make you feel beautiful?"

"**So** beautiful!" I proclaimed. He wrapped an arm around me and we turned to look at the ocean. Behind it the sun was starting to set.

"We should get back to the house." He said.

"Yeah, we probably should. Billy is probably wondering where we are and when he can dig in to the chili." I giggled. And he laughed along with me.

He took my hand in his and with the other began to caress my cheek. "I wish we could just stay like this, right here, together. I wish I could make time stop so that I wouldn't have to stop feeling like this."

"We have all the time in the world to be together Jacob. I'm not going anywhere. I promise I will be right here by your side whenever you want me here." I assured him.

"Then never leave." He whispered right before he kissed my forehead. I couldn't believe that I was falling for him. I needed to get back to his house before we took this any farther.

I quickly said, "Well, let's get back to Billy. I am really starting to get hungry and I know that you are."

"Okay let's go." And we walked hand in hand back to his house, just like we had walked to the beach earlier that day. Except something had changed for me, there was a new fire burning deep inside of me that I wanted so much to explore, and with time I would. For now though, I would just have dinner with him and Billy and enjoy the rest of the time I had with him on this turn around day.

******So, what did you think? Pretty good day for Jake and Bella, huh? Just because Jake is an animal now, doesn't mean he can't be the same man he was before for her! I hoped that you enjoyed it! I will try to get the next chapter up later in the week.******

**________________________________________________________________**

******Here is the song that I think fits this chapter perfectly, "Fallin' For You" By Colbie Caillat. Here are the lyrics******

I don't know but  
I think I maybe  
Fallin' for you  
Dropping so quickly  
Maybe I should  
Keep this to myself  
Waiting 'til I  
Know you better

I am trying  
Not to tell you  
But I want to  
I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling  
But I'm tired of  
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life  
and now I found ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you

As I'm standing here  
And you hold my hand  
Pull me towards you  
And we start to dance  
All around us  
I see nobody  
Here in silence  
It's just you and me

I'm trying  
Not to tell you  
But I want to  
I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling  
But I'm tired of  
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life  
and now I found ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you

Oh I just can't take it  
My heart is racing  
The emotions keep spinning out

I've been spending all my time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life  
and now I found ya  
I don't know what to do  
I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you

I can't stop thinking about it  
I want you all around me  
And now I just can't hide it  
I think I'm fallin' for you (x2)

I'm fallin' for you

Ooohhh  
Oh no no  
Oooooohhh  
Oh I'm fallin' for you


End file.
